you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
