He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My vagina is very pro this idea
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
