In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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