My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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