What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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