he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
