then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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