people are starting to question the shark bite story
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
