Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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