im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
