i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
