wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
