Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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