At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We left the knife in your bed.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
