She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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