So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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