At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
it hurts more in the daytime
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
