I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
