The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
