my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
