At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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