It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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