She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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