hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
