walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
