Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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