Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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