Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
