So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize