and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
