I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize