Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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