he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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