my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
