Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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