Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
