its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
