On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
