Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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