where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize