If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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