he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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