hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
