In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
They took my balls.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
