I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
