Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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