how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
