How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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