New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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