I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
