we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
