Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
