Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
