just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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