You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
