She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
