Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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