one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hippo gnu deer
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
