Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
