She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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