i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
