Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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