u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
