So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
