I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
