I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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