You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The power of my boobs compel you
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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