My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
