She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
