That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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