I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
